ramblings

numb..............................

Tue, 09 Sep 2008 08:48:13 GMT

just about sums up how i feel lately. wrapped in a cocoon of hopelessness, everyday is just a blur and nothing ever really gets through to me. i try to feel but nothing really works. sex and substance abuse just momentary distractions before i'm bored again. books suck me in, make me forget everything around me, but i still don't feel like i should. anger management problems again as well, but the anger never really gets past a surface explosion before it's gone again, just leaving me feeling empty, instead of hyped-up and shaky for hours like it used to. this sucks. i might as well be one of the walking dead. i tried to masturbate the other day and just ended up thinking about what a boring ceiling there was in the room and the fact that it was too hot. i'd write more, but my life is just too fucking boring right now.

Fri, 16 Dec 2005 12:26:06 GMT

my life is so boring lately that i have notheing to post about. sad.

this quiz let me know exactly how little i know some of my fiends, i need to amend this.

Fri, 09 Dec 2005 13:31:30 GMT

Click here.
Take the quiz.
Post your results.
1) Did dizzy88 break up with you? the thought of us ever dating is more than my brain can handle.
2) Would giographix go out with vietnamwar? highly doubtful
3) What is robota's favorite game? no clue
4) Where was apokalopticus born? again no clue
5) What color should no_nevaeh dye their hair? orange again
6) vietnamwar's eye color? blue?
7) Does lilmedusa smoke? yes
8) How would jdead6 conquer the world? er....................i'm not sure, but it might be interesting to watch
9) Do you have a crush on sinister676? nope, but some sweet memories
10) What do you disagree with jdead6 about? i don't think we've had a disagreement yet
11) Are jdead6 and xxmort_subitexx going out? only in my late night fantasies
12) If boy_hecubis commanded an army, who would be his/her followers? sexxxy freaks
13) What do you agree with randomnumbers about? that one of my roomies is a complete lunatic
14) Does giographix drink? that's how we met
15) Which of your friends should lilmedusa go out with? i'm the last person to ask about matchmaking
16) What planet should dizzy88 be from? pluto
17) Could you see robota and hsuan together? yes..............somehow
18) Is giographix related to you? no, but he's like family anyways
19) What would jdead6 think of robota? i can't remember what they thought of one another
20) How long have you known sinister676? 8 years
21) Would you wrestle jdead6 in jello? in a second!
22) Have you ever dated krysis19721? yes
23) What song/movie would you recommend to krysis19721? valentine-kgp
24) hsuan's hair color? red and black? it's been awhile since i've seen him
25) If robota and sinister676 were siamese twins, where would they be joined? the elbow
26) Would you ever date sinister676? maybe
27) Does boy_hecubis go to your school? nope
28) Does venightmare have a crush on dizzy88? no, and imagaining the two of them ever being together is traumatic
29) If dizzy88 and mort_chud were spliced together, what would be its name? i have no idea, but scince would be very interested
30) Have you flirted with krysis19721? yes
31) Is mort_chud introverted or extroverted? extroverted?
32) What exotic animal would krysis19721 like as a pet? kiwi? no fucking clue
33) What is no_nevaeh's biggest flaw? immaturity and indecisiveness
34) What would lilmedusa do differently in your shoes? not fuck up like i do?
35) Has sevendevils been to your house/dorm? yes.
36) What is robota allergic to? no clue
37) Thoughts on sinister676? miss him terribly
38) What comic book character would dizzy88 be? something green with fangs, can't remember which one that is.
39) Are dizzy88 and giographix going steady? noooooooooooooooooo! i couldn't even imagine.......................
40) If vietnamwar had a superpower, what would it be? laser eyes
41) Would mort_chud and no_nevaeh look good together? no, but the thought makes me smile anyways
42) What languages does tied_up_ragdoll speak? english
43) Is xxmort_subitexx a college student? not that i know of
44) What mental disorder does dizzy88 remind you of? er.....................................neurotic?
45) Is venightmare a nerd? yes, and that's one of the things that i love about him
46) Does jacque_oh travel a lot? i don't think so
47) If krysis19721 took over the world, who would suffer? bigots and close-minded people
48) Do lilmedusa and krysis19721 go to the same school? nope
49) One thing you can't stand about jdead6? i can't think of anything
50) Is libelandslander friends with hsuan? nope
51) Where would boy_hecubis most like to visit? not sure
52) How would dizzy88 kill krysis19721? stake
53) How tall is apokalopticus? er talletr than me. i'm lousy with measuring height
54) What is sinister676's favorite food? not sure
55) What is no_nevaeh's favorite band/artist? afi?
56) Has randomnumbers dyed their hair? yes
57) Which president would hsuan be likely to idolize? none
58) Are tied_up_ragdoll and jacque_oh married? nope
59) If mort_chud and tied_up_ragdoll were spliced together, what would it be like? painful
60) What flavor of jello would lilmedusa be? black cherry
61) One quality you find attractive in sinister676? sweetness
62) Do you have apokalopticus's screenname? what?
63) How many monkeys could sevendevils fight at once and win against? 3
64) Would boy_hecubis be a better ninja or pirate? pirate
65) Would tied_up_ragdoll and giographix make a good couple? no, but they would prolly be freinds
66) Is boy_hecubis athletic? er.....................no?
67) If no_nevaeh took over the world, who would be happy? we'd all be confused
68) Would you set up hsuan and tied_up_ragdoll? yes
69) Is sevendevils in a relationship? no
70) If robota was a superhero, who would be his/her archnemesis? superman
71) Is dizzy88 dead sexy? uh, sure.
72) Would you make out with jdead6? yes!
73) Is sevendevils related to wretched_threat? nope
74) Is jdead6 your best friend? er..........no.
75) What is randomnumbers's favorite movie? boondock saints?
76) When did you last call krysis19721? never, we only keep in touch online
77) If tied_up_ragdoll were hanging off a cliff, what would mort_chud do? hopefully save her
78) Does krysis19721 have a big secret? a few
79) Is libelandslander an emo? no.
80) Does krysis19721 do drugs? yes
81) Is krysis19721 popular? sort-of
82) How long would dizzy88 dating libelandslander last? it would never happen, but they would probably be freinds
83) What is venightmare's shoe size? 8 or 9
84) What would you do if vietnamwar died? get drunk
85) Where was vietnamwar born? england? arizona? no clue really
86) What animal should robota be combined with? what kind of a question is this?
87) Is robota a high school student? no
88) What is jacque_oh's favorite color? black? or red?
89) What would xxmort_subitexx give venightmare for his/her birthday? booze
90) Does randomnumbers know venightmare? don't think so
91) What word best describes wretched_threat? i have to pick one? er, yummy?
92) What would you do if you found out lilmedusa has a crush on you? be flattered
93) What rank would boy_hecubis have in a giant robot army? leader
94) What video game does robota remind you of? don't play video games
95) Do you think apokalopticus is hot? yes
96) Where did you first meet krysis19721? in front of the library
97) Is lilmedusa single? no clue
98) Does xxmort_subitexx have a dog? no
99) Is mort_chud 1337? what?
100) What animal does tied_up_ragdoll remind you of? i don't know. something small and cute tho. maybe a bunny

yawn

Fri, 11 Nov 2005 03:23:14 GMT

boy am i bored tonight. it's a good thing we still have booze in the freezer. i'm becoming a lush again................drinking on a daily. not that i really care much, i mean it's not like i'm getting wasted every night, just nicely buzzed so i can go to sleep. started smoking again too, not often, just every once in awhile. that helps me sleep too. obviously i don't sleep too well on my own anymore. bleh. well that's about all the excitement i have to report lately..............oh, wsait, i blonded my hair. yup, now that's it. night

Wed, 02 Nov 2005 07:28:20 GMT

The Sudden Departure
Random Brutal Love Master (RBLMf)

Sweet. Dear. Loving. At Gate 18. Final call.

You are The Sudden Departure.

You've been in a lot of serious relationships. More than a few have ended ugly. Uglily. Whatever. Our guess is that you're a really fantastic girl who doesn't really know what she wants, and you've broken a few hearts as a result. You fall for people easily, and you enjoy the feeling of falling in love, but once you're there, either boredom or the old "grass is greener" syndrome sets in. The mind wanders, and with it goes the flesh. And then the toiletries.

Your exact opposite:
The Intern

Deliberate Gentle Sex Dreamer

We know you're not the classic "love 'em and leave 'em" type, at least not in a purely sexual sense. You have too many serious bonding tendencies for that. But even though you're theoretically looking to settle down, you don't settle long on one person. "Serial monogamist" is probably something you hear a lot. "Emotionally loose" is another way to put it. To the poor girls eating your dust and sniffing your panties, it doesn't really make much difference. Of course, it's not really your fault that people get hurt. You have every right to move on when you choose.

ALWAYS AVOID: The Intern, The Maid of Honor

CONSIDER: The Sudden Departure, someone just like you

Link: The 32-Type Dating Test by OkCupid - Free Online Dating.
My profile name: gutter_kitty

Mon, 31 Oct 2005 22:29:36 GMT

Bitch-Slap
You are 28% Rational, 42% Extroverted, 85% Brutal, and 42% Arrogant.

You are the Bitch-Slap, the hallmark response of any abusive husband! You are more intuitive than others, focusing more on feelings than rational explanations, and you are also probably very brutual because you care more about yourself than the well-being of others. As most of us know, brutality combined with emotion often leads to BITCH-SLAPPING, which is why you are called "The Bitch Slap". (This does not mean you are emotional, only that you are more affected by emotions than rationality when making decisions.) Another trait you possess is that you are very humble, which could mean you are insecure because very few people are brutal AND humble. Not only that, but you are also rather introverted, and any tendencies towards brutality you possess may also result from the fact that you bottle up your emotions and don't show them to others until you explode in rage. Most likely, however, you are not a VIOLENT person, just someone who is rather selfish. At any rate, being a bitch-slap does not necessarily mean you will abuse your spouse; it only means you are rather intuitive, uncaring toward others, brutal, introverted, and possibly insecure.

To put it less negatively:

1. You are more INTUITIVE than rational.

2. You are more INTROVERTED than extroverted.

3. You are more BRUTAL than gentle.

4. You are more HUMBLE than arrogant.

Compatibility:

Your exact opposite is the Braggart.

Other personalities you would probably get along with are the Schoolyard Bully, the Class Clown, and the Brute.

If you scored near fifty percent for a certain trait (42%-58%), you could very well go either way. For example, someone with 42% Extroversion is slightly leaning towards being an introvert, but is close enough to being an extrovert to be classified that way as well. Below is a list of the other personality types so that you can determine which other possible categories you may fill if you scored near fifty percent for certain traits.

The other personality types:

The Emo Kid: Intuitive, Introverted, Gentle, Humble.

The Starving Artist: Intuitive, Introverted, Gentle, Arrogant.

The Bitch-Slap: Intuitive, Introverted, Brutal, Humble.

The Brute: Intuitive, Introverted, Brutal, Arrogant.

The Hippie: Intuitive, Extroverted, Gentle, Humble.

The Televangelist: Intuitive, Extroverted, Gentle, Arrogant.

The Schoolyard Bully: Intuitive, Extroverted, Brutal, Humble.

The Class Clown: Intuitive, Extroverted, Brutal, Arrogant.

The Robot: Rational, Introverted, Gentle, Humble.

The Haughty Intellectual: Rational, Introverted, Gentle, Arrogant.

The Spiteful Loner: Rational, Introverted, Brutal, Humble.

The Sociopath: Rational, Introverted, Brutal, Arrogant.

The Hand-Raiser: Rational, Extroverted, Gentle, Humble.

The Braggart: Rational, Extroverted, Gentle, Arrogant.

The Capitalist Pig: Rational, Extroverted, Brutal, Humble.

The Smartass: Rational, Extroverted, Brutal, Arrogant.

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 27% on Rationality

You scored higher than 39% on Extroversion

You scored higher than 95% on Brutality

You scored higher than 38% on Arrogance

Link: The Personality Defect Test written by saint_gasoline on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

Mon, 31 Oct 2005 22:10:20 GMT

the Shock Jock

(57% dark, 50% spontaneous, 52% vulgar)

your humor style:
VULGAR | SPONTANEOUS | DARK

Your sense of humor is off-the-cuff and kind of gross. Is it is also sinister, cynical, and vaguely threatening to the purer folks of this world. You probably get off on that. You would cut a greasy fart, then blame it on your mom, and then just shrug when someone pointed out that she's dead.

Yours is hands-down the most outrageous sense of humor; you like things trangressive and hardcore. It's highly likely (a) you have no limits (b) you have no scruples and (c) you have no job. Ironically, it's your type of humor that can make the biggest bucks in show business.

PEOPLE LIKE YOU: Howard Stern - Adam Sandler - Roseanne Barr

The 3-Variable Funny Test!
- it rules -

If you're interested, try my latest: The Terrorism Test

My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 63% on darkness

You scored higher than 57% on spontaneity

You scored higher than 81% on vulgarity

Link: The 3 Variable Funny Test written by jason_bateman on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

Mon, 31 Oct 2005 21:46:54 GMT

Class 2 Drug Taker!
61 Intelligence

You have a very good knowlege of what is in prescription drugs and probably don't put anything into your body that you don't research first hand. You might even have your own copy of a Monthly Prescribing Reference that you snatched from your last doctor's visit! Be careful though, you don't know everything about narcotics and that can get dangerous!

My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 57% on Intelligence

Link: The Ultimate Narcotics Knowledge Test written by queenvelvet on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

Mon, 31 Oct 2005 21:36:38 GMT

Cookie Monster
You scored 29% Organization, 55% abstract, and 50% extroverted!

This test measured 3 variables.

First, this test measured how organized you are. Some muppets like Cookie Monster make big messes, while others like Bert are quite anal about things being clean.

Second, this test measured if you prefer a concrete or an abstract viewpoint. For the purposes of this test, concrete people are considered to gravitate more to mathematical and logical approaches, whereas abstract people are more the dreamers and artistic type.

Third, this test measured if you are more of an introvert or an extrovert. By definition, an introvert concentrates more on herself and an extrovert focuses more on others. In this test an introvert was somebody that either tends to spend more time alone or thinks more about herself.

You are more sloppy, both concrete and abstract, and about equally introverted and extroverted.

Here is why are you Cookie Monster.

You are both sloppy. You might not always know where everything you need is. Perhaps you don't even care. Hopefully you don't shovel food into your mouth at least.

You both are partially concrete and abstract thinkers. Cookie Monster knows what he wants (cookies!) and he consistently works toward that goal. However he comes up with imaginative and unusual strategies in pursuit of that goal. You have a good balance in your life. You know when to be logical at times, but you also aren't afraid to explore your dreams and desires... within limits of course.

You are both somewhat introverted. Cookie Monster might not have the most sophisticated syntax, but he does have some friends. He is close with Ernie. You probably like to have some time to yourself, but you do like spending time with your friends, and you aren't scared of social situations.

The other possible characters are
Oscar the Grouch
Big Bird
Snuffleupagus
Ernie
Elmo
Kermit the Frog
Grover
The Count
Guy Smiley
Bert

If you enjoyed this test, I would love the feedback! Also if you want to tell me your favorite Sesame Street character, I can total them up and post them here. Perhaps your choice will win!

My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 0% on Organization

You scored higher than 56% on concrete-abstra

You scored higher than 25% on intro-extrovert

Link: The Your SESAME STREET Persona Test written by greencowsgomoo on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

Mon, 31 Oct 2005 20:49:14 GMT

Ingmar Bergman
Your film will be 57% romantic, 34% comedy, 73% complex plot, and a $ 61 million budget.

Your life will be portrayed on film as an intense psychological drama, likely with some actresses screaming at the camera (Persona), or maybe a pleasant chess game between the Grim Reaper and a Crusader (The Seventh Seal). This Swedish director's films are intensely scrutinzed and studied in colleges all over the world to this day. This means that most Americans still don't understand his films! Still alive, he released in the U.S. in 2005 his first film in 23 years (Saraband), and he can still take on one more project to make your film biography. If curious, start with his films Wild Strawberries and Smiles of a Summer Night.

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 37% on action-romance

You scored higher than 57% on humor

You scored higher than 99% on complexity

You scored higher than 99% on budget

Link: The Director Who Films Your Life Test written by bingomosquito on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

booze and bathtubs

Mon, 31 Oct 2005 12:36:52 GMT

i discove34red tonight that the only way to avoid my roommates when they are arguing or at leasdt captain forehead whenb he's on one of his rants, is to run a hot enough to boiul myself alive bath and take myt laptop, headphone, cd's, candles and a fifth in there43 with me and just hgide until they go to sleep. i also discovered trhat it's a bad idea to sinf=g at he top of my lungs when i'm drunk in the tub at three in the morning and e ven worse idea to tell my roommmates thast they're being anoying idiots and just jealous because they can't sing as well. or that it's a good idea too walk outside naked to cool off b\ecause the batyhroom has gotten too stuffy. it's also noy a good idea to drop yopu r library books ib the bathtub or e-mauil ex's when your really drubk. and, u, by the ti,me the water get's co;l,d i look like a gianmt pink prune. *insert uncontrollable drunken giggles here*in fact, i sholuld prolly avoid computers alltogether when i drink and especially when i drink in the bathtub.

life

Fri, 28 Oct 2005 03:53:42 GMT

ugh, posty stuff.......................er i geuss i'm alright now. er, i'm alive and healthy and er, stuff. i geuss that's good? i'm REALLY FUCKING BORED with my life right now. i want a job and stuff. and, uh, school, yeh, school is good, and........................................fishies. heh

bleh

Sun, 04 Sep 2005 17:15:33 GMT

um, so, ah, i have stuff going on, but i'm too braindead to post right now. but i geuss i'm doing fine. yay.

next stop

Sun, 14 Aug 2005 20:48:04 GMT

i'll be in seattle tonight and staying for a week, if you want to hang out, look for me where the rest of the freaks are or droip me a line and we can meet somewhere.

Another One For The Miserable Relationship Archives

Sun, 07 Aug 2005 02:17:40 GMT

Have you ever been tied to a chair and shot up aganst your will? more than once? what about on a daily basis for more than a week? or finally just give in and sit there for it, trying not to cry again and get hit for it? Yeah. i didn't think so. what about being forced into sex and certain distasteful sexual acts? then having to smile to your freinds and pretend you're happy, and those bruises all over you were just from consensual kinky sex? and try to keep smiling and not throw up when he brags about what he did to you to your freinds and how you loved it? Yeah. you'd want to die. i did. i tried. he brought me back for more fun (pronounced misery). ever had someone force you to drink their blood,hold a knife to your throat while they fuck you and tell you about how they're going to whore you out to their freinds? or beat the shit out of you for not wanting to to do things to which you're morally opposed? how about being so angry and fed up you want to kill, but knowing the police would never understand or even believe you? or having the police show up while you're fighting and having to lie to them and say you screamed because a rat ran across your foot? the coptold me flat out he didn't believe me and that he didn't like beinglied to. i even tried to turn myself in for battery. i begged them to take me in-----just so i could get away from him. the cops refused and told me they'd be waiting around the corner so they coulod take himtojail if they heard anymore noise. so he held his knife to my throat and fucked me again and slapped and pinched and bit me. told me if i made a sound he'd kill me. i should have screamed my head off, i'd die either way, his touch makes my skin crawl. i had to throw up twice while this was happening. when we first met i would cry after sex or when he hit me, and he'd give me jewelry thinking it would make up for it. by the end i had no more tears left and i started fighting back no matter the consequences and despite the fact i couldn't win. i threw his jewelry back in his face. all this just made things worse for me. he runs everything downtown. all the families at least. he's had a hit put on me. if i ever show my face in pdx again i will die. i'm still amazed i managed to get away from hiom yesterday and throught the kindness of strangers even make it out of state. i was so excited. then i woke up this morning dope sick and hopeless, his taunts of being HIV+ and carrying his child echoiing in my head, praying none of it is true, and contemplating suicide. every relationship i'm in is a little worse than the last. i think the next one will actually kill me. or i him. now i wish i would have cut this throat, at least being in prison would be worth himnever doing this to another girl again. thank goddess he didin't have his i.d. or i'd be an unhappily matrried woman right now. stupid sick PHREAK! i'll just have to be super sneaky and get my revenge legally. -to be continued........................................

Sat, 23 Jul 2005 21:33:11 GMT

i've decided that maybe drinking in excess maybe isn't the best idea for me. i got really drunk 2 nights ago and someone i thought was a friend gave me a shitload of X and was trying to take off with me. luckily a REAL freind found me and kidnapped me from him. i spent all day yesterday recovering and am still recovering today. yuck. i think all my bruises will heal fine, but not my trust, and i think my wrist is sprained. if i wouldn't have been shitfaced this wouldn't have happened, especially since i was downtown. again i say yuck.

Tue, 26 Apr 2005 00:37:07 GMT

You are

What Rejected Crayon Are You?

living well is the best revenge.......................but the other kind is still more fun!

Fri, 22 Apr 2005 22:03:21 GMT

um, it's been awhile since i wrote in here. i got all the charges dropped and i'm now pressing charges against my ex and ex roommates, i have a killer new job, i'm moving into a new house next month with no theives, junkies, two faced ppl who move in their junkie boyfriends or cat killing peices of shit. oh and my cat just had kittens (cute!) so, all in all, things are going pretty well here.

Fri, 11 Feb 2005 19:09:10 GMT

court today, bleh. but i got a set over and that's good. if i get two more all my charges will be dismissed. and i get my house back valentines day. so for once i wont be totally blotto for that day and the following three. yay!

Sun, 09 Jan 2005 21:00:28 GMT

last night my ex sent one of his little friends by my sisiters house, knowing id be there with just the kids and no phone. got my face slammed into the wall repeatedly then a knife held to my throat. whee, fun! then this guy sat outside the house to make sure i didn't leave to call the cops or send one of the kids next door to do it. my sisiter wants to kill.

duh

Wed, 19 May 2004 00:47:01 GMT

somehow i always mwean to write in here nad never do it. my time runs out while i'm still wondering what everyone else is doing with their lives. things here are good tho. finally.

yay

Tue, 09 Mar 2004 00:11:35 GMT

i'm in a really good mood today for the first time in nearly a month. we got the rest of the rent today, so we're not going to lose the house, and tomorrow i get to see a beloved friend i haven't seen in nearly three years. in fact the only thing that makes me sad lately is the fact that shane, andi, balzac and dave left. we're having a party tonight and another one on the sixteenth. ewverything with the house is coming together and it's finally beginning to look like a real house instead of a trash depository and legal squat. we even started a daily tea and storytime. i think there was something mentioned about a sewing circle and yoga. it's strange how ecverything just sort of fell into place over a weeks time. finally an end to all the stress! *does a happy dance and earns apprehensive looks from fellow library patrons* maybe next i'll get a real job.

boredom

Mon, 09 Feb 2004 12:08:59 GMT

if you can't tell i'm bored tonight with everyone being asleep till about half an hour ago. so............... anyway, i'm making an effort to remember to write in here once in awhile. i don't really have much to talk about tho.

Mon, 09 Feb 2004 12:02:04 GMT

You are cutting

What Self-Mutilation Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Mon, 09 Feb 2004 11:42:44 GMT

ENFP - "Journalist". Uncanny sense of the motivations of others. Life is an exciting drama. 8.1% of total population.

Take Free Myers-Briggs Personality Test</div