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| numb.............................. |
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01:35am 09/09/2008 |
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just about sums up how i feel lately. wrapped in a cocoon of hopelessness, everyday is just a blur and nothing ever really gets through to me. i try to feel but nothing really works. sex and substance abuse just momentary distractions before i'm bored again. books suck me in, make me forget everything around me, but i still don't feel like i should. anger management problems again as well, but the anger never really gets past a surface explosion before it's gone again, just leaving me feeling empty, instead of hyped-up and shaky for hours like it used to. this sucks. i might as well be one of the walking dead. i tried to masturbate the other day and just ended up thinking about what a boring ceiling there was in the room and the fact that it was too hot. i'd write more, but my life is just too fucking boring right now. mood:  apathetic |
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| yawn |
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07:22pm 10/11/2005 |
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boy am i bored tonight. it's a good thing we still have booze in the freezer. i'm becoming a lush again................drinking on a daily. not that i really care much, i mean it's not like i'm getting wasted every night, just nicely buzzed so i can go to sleep. started smoking again too, not often, just every once in awhile. that helps me sleep too. obviously i don't sleep too well on my own anymore. bleh. well that's about all the excitement i have to report lately..............oh, wsait, i blonded my hair. yup, now that's it. night mood:  bored music: ppl arguing behind me |
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| (no subject) |
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11:32pm 01/11/2005 |
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| | The Sudden Departure Random Brutal Love Master (RBLMf)
Sweet. Dear. Loving. At Gate 18. Final call.
You are The Sudden Departure.
You've been in a lot of serious relationships. More than a few have ended ugly. Uglily. Whatever. Our guess is that you're a really fantastic girl who doesn't really know what she wants, and you've broken a few hearts as a result. You fall for people easily, and you enjoy the feeling of falling in love, but once you're there, either boredom or the old "grass is greener" syndrome sets in. The mind wanders, and with it goes the flesh. And then the toiletries.
Your exact opposite: The Intern
 Deliberate Gentle Sex Dreamer
| We know you're not the classic "love 'em and leave 'em" type, at least not in a purely sexual sense. You have too many serious bonding tendencies for that. But even though you're theoretically looking to settle down, you don't settle long on one person. "Serial monogamist" is probably something you hear a lot. "Emotionally loose" is another way to put it. To the poor girls eating your dust and sniffing your panties, it doesn't really make much difference. Of course, it's not really your fault that people get hurt. You have every right to move on when you choose.
ALWAYS AVOID: The Intern, The Maid of Honor
CONSIDER: The Sudden Departure, someone just like you
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Link: The 32-Type Dating Test by OkCupid - Free Online Dating. My profile name: gutter_kitty |
mood:  amused music: when worlds collide |
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| (no subject) |
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02:33pm 31/10/2005 |
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Bitch-Slap You are 28% Rational, 42% Extroverted, 85% Brutal, and 42% Arrogant. |
You are the Bitch-Slap, the hallmark response of any abusive husband! You are more intuitive than others, focusing more on feelings than rational explanations, and you are also probably very brutual because you care more about yourself than the well-being of others. As most of us know, brutality combined with emotion often leads to BITCH-SLAPPING, which is why you are called "The Bitch Slap". (This does not mean you are emotional, only that you are more affected by emotions than rationality when making decisions.) Another trait you possess is that you are very humble, which could mean you are insecure because very few people are brutal AND humble. Not only that, but you are also rather introverted, and any tendencies towards brutality you possess may also result from the fact that you bottle up your emotions and don't show them to others until you explode in rage. Most likely, however, you are not a VIOLENT person, just someone who is rather selfish. At any rate, being a bitch-slap does not necessarily mean you will abuse your spouse; it only means you are rather intuitive, uncaring toward others, brutal, introverted, and possibly insecure.
To put it less negatively:
1. You are more INTUITIVE than rational.
2. You are more INTROVERTED than extroverted.
3. You are more BRUTAL than gentle.
4. You are more HUMBLE than arrogant.
Compatibility:
Your exact opposite is the Braggart.
Other personalities you would probably get along with are the Schoolyard Bully, the Class Clown, and the Brute.
*
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If you scored near fifty percent for a certain trait (42%-58%), you could very well go either way. For example, someone with 42% Extroversion is slightly leaning towards being an introvert, but is close enough to being an extrovert to be classified that way as well. Below is a list of the other personality types so that you can determine which other possible categories you may fill if you scored near fifty percent for certain traits.
The other personality types:
The Emo Kid: Intuitive, Introverted, Gentle, Humble.
The Starving Artist: Intuitive, Introverted, Gentle, Arrogant.
The Bitch-Slap: Intuitive, Introverted, Brutal, Humble.
The Brute: Intuitive, Introverted, Brutal, Arrogant.
The Hippie: Intuitive, Extroverted, Gentle, Humble.
The Televangelist: Intuitive, Extroverted, Gentle, Arrogant.
The Schoolyard Bully: Intuitive, Extroverted, Brutal, Humble.
The Class Clown: Intuitive, Extroverted, Brutal, Arrogant.
The Robot: Rational, Introverted, Gentle, Humble.
The Haughty Intellectual: Rational, Introverted, Gentle, Arrogant.
The Spiteful Loner: Rational, Introverted, Brutal, Humble.
The Sociopath: Rational, Introverted, Brutal, Arrogant.
The Hand-Raiser: Rational, Extroverted, Gentle, Humble.
The Braggart: Rational, Extroverted, Gentle, Arrogant.
The Capitalist Pig: Rational, Extroverted, Brutal, Humble.
The Smartass: Rational, Extroverted, Brutal, Arrogant. |
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My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:
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You scored higher than 27% on Rationality |
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You scored higher than 39% on Extroversion |
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You scored higher than 95% on Brutality |
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You scored higher than 38% on Arrogance |
| mood:  obviously i have nothing to do music: hummmmmmmmm |
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| (no subject) |
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02:11pm 31/10/2005 |
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the Shock Jock
(57% dark, 50% spontaneous, 52% vulgar) |
your humor style: VULGAR | SPONTANEOUS | DARK
Your sense of humor is off-the-cuff and kind of gross. Is it is also sinister, cynical, and vaguely threatening to the purer folks of this world. You probably get off on that. You would cut a greasy fart, then blame it on your mom, and then just shrug when someone pointed out that she's dead.
Yours is hands-down the most outrageous sense of humor; you like things trangressive and hardcore. It's highly likely (a) you have no limits (b) you have no scruples and (c) you have no job. Ironically, it's your type of humor that can make the biggest bucks in show business.
PEOPLE LIKE YOU: Howard Stern - Adam Sandler - Roseanne Barr
The 3-Variable Funny Test! - it rules -
If you're interested, try my latest: The Terrorism Test |
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My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:
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You scored higher than 63% on darkness |
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You scored higher than 57% on spontaneity |
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You scored higher than 81% on vulgarity |
| mood:  nap time soon music: bright eyes |
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| (no subject) |
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01:51pm 31/10/2005 |
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Class 2 Drug Taker! 61 Intelligence |
| You have a very good knowlege of what is in prescription drugs and probably don't put anything into your body that you don't research first hand. You might even have your own copy of a Monthly Prescribing Reference that you snatched from your last doctor's visit! Be careful though, you don't know everything about narcotics and that can get dangerous! |
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My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender:
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You scored higher than 57% on Intelligence |
| mood:  headache music: same as last post |
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| (no subject) |
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01:40pm 31/10/2005 |
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Cookie Monster You scored 29% Organization, 55% abstract, and 50% extroverted! |
This test measured 3 variables.
First, this test measured how organized you are. Some muppets like Cookie Monster make big messes, while others like Bert are quite anal about things being clean.
Second, this test measured if you prefer a concrete or an abstract viewpoint. For the purposes of this test, concrete people are considered to gravitate more to mathematical and logical approaches, whereas abstract people are more the dreamers and artistic type.
Third, this test measured if you are more of an introvert or an extrovert. By definition, an introvert concentrates more on herself and an extrovert focuses more on others. In this test an introvert was somebody that either tends to spend more time alone or thinks more about herself.
You are more sloppy, both concrete and abstract, and about equally introverted and extroverted.
Here is why are you Cookie Monster.
You are both sloppy. You might not always know where everything you need is. Perhaps you don't even care. Hopefully you don't shovel food into your mouth at least.
You both are partially concrete and abstract thinkers. Cookie Monster knows what he wants (cookies!) and he consistently works toward that goal. However he comes up with imaginative and unusual strategies in pursuit of that goal. You have a good balance in your life. You know when to be logical at times, but you also aren't afraid to explore your dreams and desires... within limits of course.
You are both somewhat introverted. Cookie Monster might not have the most sophisticated syntax, but he does have some friends. He is close with Ernie. You probably like to have some time to yourself, but you do like spending time with your friends, and you aren't scared of social situations.
The other possible characters are Oscar the Grouch Big Bird Snuffleupagus Ernie Elmo Kermit the Frog Grover The Count Guy Smiley Bert
If you enjoyed this test, I would love the feedback! Also if you want to tell me your favorite Sesame Street character, I can total them up and post them here. Perhaps your choice will win! |
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My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:
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You scored higher than 0% on Organization |
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You scored higher than 56% on concrete-abstra |
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You scored higher than 25% on intro-extrovert |
| mood:  not as hung over now music: master of the flying guillotine-jumpsteady |
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| (no subject) |
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12:52pm 31/10/2005 |
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Ingmar Bergman Your film will be 57% romantic, 34% comedy, 73% complex plot, and a $ 61 million budget. |
| Your life will be portrayed on film as an intense psychological drama, likely with some actresses screaming at the camera (Persona), or maybe a pleasant chess game between the Grim Reaper and a Crusader (The Seventh Seal). This Swedish director's films are intensely scrutinzed and studied in colleges all over the world to this day. This means that most Americans still don't understand his films! Still alive, he released in the U.S. in 2005 his first film in 23 years (Saraband), and he can still take on one more project to make your film biography. If curious, start with his films Wild Strawberries and Smiles of a Summer Night. |
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My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:
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You scored higher than 37% on action-romance |
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You scored higher than 57% on humor |
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You scored higher than 99% on complexity |
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You scored higher than 99% on budget |
| mood:  hungover music: under the moon-icp |
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| booze and bathtubs |
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04:27am 31/10/2005 |
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i discove34red tonight that the only way to avoid my roommates when they are arguing or at leasdt captain forehead whenb he's on one of his rants, is to run a hot enough to boiul myself alive bath and take myt laptop, headphone, cd's, candles and a fifth in there43 with me and just hgide until they go to sleep. i also discovered trhat it's a bad idea to sinf=g at he top of my lungs when i'm drunk in the tub at three in the morning and e ven worse idea to tell my roommmates thast they're being anoying idiots and just jealous because they can't sing as well. or that it's a good idea too walk outside naked to cool off b\ecause the batyhroom has gotten too stuffy. it's also noy a good idea to drop yopu r library books ib the bathtub or e-mauil ex's when your really drubk. and, u, by the ti,me the water get's co;l,d i look like a gianmt pink prune. *insert uncontrollable drunken giggles here*in fact, i sholuld prolly avoid computers alltogether when i drink and especially when i drink in the bathtub. mood:  drunk music: nick cave and the bad seeds---murder ballads |
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| life |
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08:49pm 27/10/2005 |
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ugh, posty stuff.......................er i geuss i'm alright now. er, i'm alive and healthy and er, stuff. i geuss that's good? i'm REALLY FUCKING BORED with my life right now. i want a job and stuff. and, uh, school, yeh, school is good, and..................................... ...fishies. heh mood:  great googly-moogly music: brain-noises |
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| next stop |
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01:45pm 14/08/2005 |
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i'll be in seattle tonight and staying for a week, if you want to hang out, look for me where the rest of the freaks are or droip me a line and we can meet somewhere. mood:  determined music: me and bobby mcgee *janis joplin* |
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Read 5 - Post - Add to Memories - Tell a Friend - Link
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| Another One For The Miserable Relationship Archives |
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06:30pm 06/08/2005 |
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Have you ever been tied to a chair and shot up aganst your will? more than once? what about on a daily basis for more than a week? or finally just give in and sit there for it, trying not to cry again and get hit for it? Yeah. i didn't think so. what about being forced into sex and certain distasteful sexual acts? then having to smile to your freinds and pretend you're happy, and those bruises all over you were just from consensual kinky sex? and try to keep smiling and not throw up when he brags about what he did to you to your freinds and how you loved it? Yeah. you'd want to die. i did. i tried. he brought me back for more fun (pronounced misery). ever had someone force you to drink their blood,hold a knife to your throat while they fuck you and tell you about how they're going to whore you out to their freinds? or beat the shit out of you for not wanting to to do things to which you're morally opposed? how about being so angry and fed up you want to kill, but knowing the police would never understand or even believe you? or having the police show up while you're fighting and having to lie to them and say you screamed because a rat ran across your foot? the coptold me flat out he didn't believe me and that he didn't like beinglied to. i even tried to turn myself in for battery. i begged them to take me in-----just so i could get away from him. the cops refused and told me they'd be waiting around the corner so they coulod take himtojail if they heard anymore noise. so he held his knife to my throat and fucked me again and slapped and pinched and bit me. told me if i made a sound he'd kill me. i should have screamed my head off, i'd die either way, his touch makes my skin crawl. i had to throw up twice while this was happening. when we first met i would cry after sex or when he hit me, and he'd give me jewelry thinking it would make up for it. by the end i had no more tears left and i started fighting back no matter the consequences and despite the fact i couldn't win. i threw his jewelry back in his face. all this just made things worse for me. he runs everything downtown. all the families at least. he's had a hit put on me. if i ever show my face in pdx again i will die. i'm still amazed i managed to get away from hiom yesterday and throught the kindness of strangers even make it out of state. i was so excited. then i woke up this morning dope sick and hopeless, his taunts of being HIV+ and carrying his child echoiing in my head, praying none of it is true, and contemplating suicide. every relationship i'm in is a little worse than the last. i think the next one will actually kill me. or i him. now i wish i would have cut this throat, at least being in prison would be worth himnever doing this to another girl again. thank goddess he didin't have his i.d. or i'd be an unhappily matrried woman right now. stupid sick PHREAK! i'll just have to be super sneaky and get my revenge legally. -to be continued............................... ......... mood: phreaked tha fuck out! music: something i can never have *nin* |
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| (no subject) |
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02:27pm 23/07/2005 |
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i've decided that maybe drinking in excess maybe isn't the best idea for me. i got really drunk 2 nights ago and someone i thought was a friend gave me a shitload of X and was trying to take off with me. luckily a REAL freind found me and kidnapped me from him. i spent all day yesterday recovering and am still recovering today. yuck. i think all my bruises will heal fine, but not my trust, and i think my wrist is sprained. if i wouldn't have been shitfaced this wouldn't have happened, especially since i was downtown. again i say yuck. mood:  crappy |
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| (no subject) |
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11:07am 11/02/2005 |
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court today, bleh. but i got a set over and that's good. if i get two more all my charges will be dismissed. and i get my house back valentines day. so for once i wont be totally blotto for that day and the following three. yay!
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| (no subject) |
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12:54pm 09/01/2005 |
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last night my ex sent one of his little friends by my sisiters house, knowing id be there with just the kids and no phone. got my face slammed into the wall repeatedly then a knife held to my throat. whee, fun! then this guy sat outside the house to make sure i didn't leave to call the cops or send one of the kids next door to do it. my sisiter wants to kill. mood: terrified and pissed off music: love me tender plays in the back of my mind |
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| September 2008 |
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